I've been known to pipe up in the past in regards to the ridiculous nature of the haute couture approach to equestrian fashion. While killing time on Pinterest the other day, I decided, on a whim, to see what was out there for fall, equestrian style. I happened upon these little gems and could not believe my eyes. As someone who shares my disdain for 90% of what is popularly known as "equestrian fashion," I dedicate this post to Leslie Wiley. Proceed with caution....
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| I would really like to know just what this young lady plans to do with a tennis racket, lacrosse stick, and golf clubs while hacking out. |
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| What is happening here? I have been known to take a last minute potty break in the corner of Eddie's stall, but I usually disrobe -- to some extent -- first. Plus, spurs and Mary Jane heels do not mix. |
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| Oh, that poor pony. Human lasso? I guess that's one way to catch a horse. |
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| Ladies, this is a "don't." Just.....no. Do not ever attempt to trail ride while wearing nothing more than boots and lingerie. I am terrified to even begin to imagine the amount of chafing that will be going on there. |
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| There is a time and place for a stylish and well-fitted shadbelly. That "time" and "place" would not, however, involve satin shorts, red sheer tights, and suede thigh-high boots. |
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| Starting with the head, this might be an equestrian fashion "do." Yes, let's do retire the old velvet hunt caps to recreational wear that doesn't involve actually being on the back of a horse. But, once the eye travels down past the shoulders, there is just too, too much wrong, here. I like the grey tights, though. That's it. |
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| Stock tie? More like stock "noose." You catch that on a low branch while riding first-flight and you're a goner. |
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| How many eventers do you see accessorize to quite this extent while riding cross-country? Yeh, me neither. Plus, if you do actually manage to place (and not get eliminated for riding with an unsecured helmet strap), the ribbon goes on your horse, not on your belt. |
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| That coat looks like a wooly blanket that is belted with something borrowed from Captain Hook's wardrobe. Or Santa Claus's. Never ride a horse swathed like this, unless you're after a "cushion effect" to soften the blow when you inevitably dismount unexpectedly. Then, maybe this would work. But fashion, it is not. |
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| Finally, an equestrian fashion "do"! You want to dress in equestrian style and emulate the late, great Jackie O? Then buy a safe horse, take some lessons, acquire the proper attire, and enter a horse show. All other pretenders can go home and try again another day. |
